Why this matters -- Harry Potter and the sinful comma splice -- Semicolons are like kale : some writers like them and some don't, but they are good for you if you know how to use them -- It has ruined lives, polarized people, and cost companies millions of dollars : say hello to the serial comma -- The double life of the apostrophe -- Purple people-eaters, muttons, and nuts : hyphens, em dashes, and en dashes -- Three nouns walk into a bar -- Lowercase, uppercase, and CamelCase -- Smart, single, ambidextrous . . . and looking to pair up : quotations -- Zebra crossings, railroad tracks, and parallel bars : why you should use parallel construction in your writing -- The benefits of active voice : how to write like James Bond, the Black Panther, and Wonder Woman -- Your writing should not feel like riding in an ATV : transitions can smooth the path -- Explanatory parentheticals : the short stories of legal writing.